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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">Paty (and all),</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">The reviewer of the final report requested a rewrite of the Executive summary of the final report.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">I was thinking that the guidance was 1,000 to 2,000 words for the Executive summary, but then saw that it said 1,000-1,200 words. So, then I went back and cut a bunch of it, but it’s still over
1400 words. I’m going to ask him if that’s ok.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">Are you ok with it? I wasn’t sure how to turn your part of the study into specific recommendations.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">The time line on this is fairly tight, but we can take a week or so – I think he wants it finished on his end before March 31, so we should get it to him before then.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">Students, can you please help by checking to see if any of the papers you published recently should be updated with a new foot note? Thanks!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">Please use track changes</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif">Sarah</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif"> </span></p>
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<b><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif;color:black">From:
</span></b><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif;color:black">Sunquist, Jeffrey@Energy <jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov><br>
<b>Date: </b>Wednesday, March 13, 2024 at 11:28</span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Aptos",sans-serif;color:black">AM<br>
<b>To: </b>Sarah Kurtz <skurtz@ucmerced.edu><br>
<b>Subject: </b>RE: Final Report technical reviewer requested edits</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Hi Sarah,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">I extracted and attached the page about the executive summary from the final report template.</p>
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The suggested length is 1,000-2,000 words.</p>
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I think the main issues with the executive summary were not meeting these two requirements:</p>
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<span style="font-size:11.0pt;line-height:110%;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Please<span style="letter-spacing:2.0pt">
</span>write the Executive<span style="letter-spacing:1.25pt"> </span>Summary for<span style="letter-spacing:1.55pt">
</span>a general<span style="letter-spacing:2.0pt"> </span>audience<span style="letter-spacing:2.0pt">
</span>and<span style="letter-spacing:2.0pt"> </span>in<span style="letter-spacing:1.75pt">
</span>a<span style="letter-spacing:1.1pt"> </span>manner<span style="letter-spacing:2.0pt">
</span>that<span style="letter-spacing:1.8pt"> </span>is accessible to<span style="letter-spacing:.8pt">
</span>those<span style="letter-spacing:-.6pt"> </span>without technical<span style="letter-spacing:-.05pt">
</span>backgrounds.<span style="letter-spacing:.55pt"> </span>Readers<span style="letter-spacing:-.2pt">
</span>may<span style="letter-spacing:-.3pt"> </span>include<span style="letter-spacing:-.05pt">
</span>policymakers,<span style="letter-spacing:-.85pt"> </span>community<span style="letter-spacing:.4pt">
</span>representatives,<span style="letter-spacing:-.5pt"> </span>reporters,<span style="letter-spacing:-.1pt">
</span>as<span style="letter-spacing:-.7pt"> </span>well<span style="letter-spacing:-.45pt">
</span>as<span style="letter-spacing:-.85pt"> </span>potential<span style="letter-spacing:-.15pt">
</span>investors<span style="letter-spacing:-.5pt"> </span>and<span style="letter-spacing:-.5pt">
</span>technology<span style="letter-spacing:-.85pt"> </span>adopters.</span></p>
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<span style="font-size:11.0pt;line-height:110%;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Do not<span style="letter-spacing:1.35pt">
</span>use<span style="letter-spacing:-.35pt"> </span>abbreviations,<span style="letter-spacing:-.55pt">
</span>acronyms, figures, tables, or graphs in the abstract or<span style="letter-spacing:-.3pt">
</span>executive<span style="letter-spacing:1.45pt"> </span>summary.</span></p>
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The reviewer’s comments were focused on the Executive Summary and no further changes to the body are requested by the reviewer. However, I suggest minimally updating the body to reflect changes made in the executive summary.</p>
<p class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left:1.0in;text-autospace:ideograph-other">
<i><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Background and Purpose/Approach</span></i><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> sections ->
<i>Introduction and Project Approach</i> chapters</span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left:1.0in;text-autospace:ideograph-other">
<i><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Key Results</span></i><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> section ->
<i>Results</i> chapters.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">Jeffrey Sunquist</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">Mechanical Engineer</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><a href="mailto:jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:windowtext;text-decoration:none">jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov</span></a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">California Energy Commission</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><b>From:</b> Sarah Kurtz <skurtz@ucmerced.edu>
<br>
<b>Sent:</b> Tuesday, March 12, 2024 9:49 PM<br>
<b>To:</b> Sunquist, Jeffrey@Energy <jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov><br>
<b>Subject:</b> Re: Final Report technical reviewer requested edits</p>
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<b><span style="font-size:10.0pt;color:#9C6500">CAUTION:</span></b><span style="font-size:10.0pt;color:black"> This email originated from outside of the organization. Do not click links or open attachments unless you recognize the sender and know the content
is safe.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Thank you, Jeff! </p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">It’s clear that I targeted the Executive summary and the rest of the report to the wrong audience. I was targeting it more for Mike Gravely.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">It appears that they want the following sections rewritten:</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">• Executive Summary</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">• Background and Purpose/Approach</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">• Key Results</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">• Knowledge Transfer</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">My main question for you: Do you understand that the reviewer had NO comments about the body of the report? The above list appears to be the Executive summary, so I’m thinking that the “ask” is for us to remove
the current Executive Summary and replace it with an Executive Summary that is targeted to legislators. Do you have clear guidance on the length? I’m thinking that for that audience, 2-3 pages total is the max, so about a page for the background and purpose/approach.
Then, the reviewer asked for 2-3 paragraphs for the key results. and then a part of a page on the knowledge transfer.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">If that aligns with your understanding of what is being asked, then I will take a stab at it this weekend and I don’t think we need to schedule a meeting.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">For the vehicle to grid discussion. Again, I suggest that I take a stab at the vehicle-to-grid response and you can comment. Does thet work for you?</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Thank you for your help with getting this targeted correctly.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Sarah</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">On Mar 12, 2024, at 4:15 PM, Sunquist, Jeffrey@Energy <<a href="mailto:jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov">jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov</a>> wrote:</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Hi Sarah,</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">The final report has gone through technical review. We fell short on some of the high expectations for the executive summary.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">This is the feedback from the reviewer:</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt">The Ex Summary is a high view of the project, providing clear and condensed narrative aimed for the general reader. The Ex Summary is a stand alone document that might be sent to legislators
to understand the research for electricity storage. This was a technically dense, detailed report and most of this technical detail made up the Ex Summary and frankly did not clearly explain what the researchers did and why. My first suggestion is to remove
all the figures, they are for the technical audience not the general reader. This report most likely had multiple authors and there was a fair amount of cut and paste from, I would assume, a technical paper. It's fine to cut and past however please make certain
the narrative flows and follows the styles. </span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt">The report lacks an adequate Background and Purpose/Approach sections. These sections must provide the general reader in clear non-technical terms the project why, what and how. It
really doesn't set the stage for the reader to understand why storage with longer duration is necessary to the California industry and electricity users</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt">I found the Key Results more of background information and challenging for the general reader to understand.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><span style="color:black;background:yellow">What
was surprising to me was the use of EVs in the testing however no mention of using their batteries in the approach or background as potential storage</span>. This section must also be rewritten into 2-3 clear, condensed paragraphs with the general reader as
the audience.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt">Again the Knowledge Transfer section provides no overview of the presentations or outreach that was done for the industry. This section should contain brief examples of the outreach
done. as well as briefly mention there was a TAC.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">There is a comment about EVs that I highlighted. A study of vehicle-to-grid would be out of scope and I do not think the reviewer knew that. Since this question may be asked again (as CA is aggressively pushing
for EVs), we may need to address it anyway. My suggestions is to very briefly describe why it was not part of the study for technical reasons, such as the fact that EV batteries typically provide vehicle-to-grid in short durations, thus if their impact if
meaningful at all at the bulk grid scale, they would have an influence on short duration storage. Check with your team on what explanation makes the most sense.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Let me know if you would like to discuss any of the comments in a call.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Thanks,</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in">Jeff</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">Jeffrey Sunquist</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">Mechanical Engineer</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><a href="mailto:jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:windowtext;text-decoration:none">jeffrey.sunquist@energy.ca.gov</span></a></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">California Energy Commission</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in"><EPC-19-060FINAL.SG.docx></p>
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